To all of those humans out there ... please remember you have to learn the dog language
LEASH
A
strap which attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your person where
you want him/her to go.;
DOG BED
Any
soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the spare room or the
newly upholstered couch in the living room.
DROOL
Is what
you do when your persons have food and you don't. To do this properly you
must sit as close as you can and look sad, and let the drool fall to the
floor, or better yet, on their laps.
SNIFF
A social
custom to use when you greet other dogs. Place your nose as close as you
can to the other dog s rear end and inhale deeply, repeat several times
until your person makes you stop.
DUST BIN
A container
which your neighbors put out once a week to test your ingenuity. You must
stand on your hind legs and try to push the lid off with your nose. If
you do it right you are rewarded with margarine wrappers to shred, beef
bones to consume, and moldy crusts of bread.
BICYCLES
Two-wheeled
exercise machines, invented for dogs to control body fat. To get maximum
aerobic benefit, you must hide behind a bush and dash out, bark loudly
and run alongside for a few yards; the person then swerves and falls into
the bushes, and you run like hell.
DEAFNESS
This
is a malady which affects dogs when their person wants them in and they
want to stay out. Symptoms include staring blankly at the person, then
running in the opposite direction, or lying down.
THUNDER
This
is a signal that the world is coming to an end. Humans remain amazingly
calm during thunderstorms, so it is necessary to warn them of the danger
by trembling uncontrollably, panting, rolling your eyes wildly, and following
at their heels.
WASTEBASKET
This is a dog toy filled with paper, envelopes, and old candy wrappers.
When you get bored, turn over the basket and strew the papers all over
the house until your person comes home
SOFAS
Are to
dogs, like napkins are to people. After eating it is polite to run up and
down the front of the sofa, and wipe your whiskers clean.
BATH
This is
a process by which the humans drench the floor, walls and themselves. You
can help by shaking vigorously and frequently.
LEAN
Every good
dog's response to the command "Sit !", especially if your person is dressed
for an evening out. Incredibly effective before black-tie events.
BUMP
The best
way to get your human's attention when they are drinking a fresh cup of
coffee or tea.
LOVE
Is a feeling of intense affection, given freely and without restriction. The best way you can show your love is to wag your tail. If you're lucky, a human will love you in return.
To all of those humans out there please remember if you buy me the rules are
If I like it, it's mine.
If it's in my mouth, it's mine.
If I can take it from you, it's mine.
If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.
If it just looks like mine, it's mine.
If I saw it first, it's mine.
If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.
If it's broken, it's yours!
Copywrite© 2007 Sharon Bartlett